Health Trekker, Day 14 9/30/09

I saw Mr. Gestapo yesterday. For those of you just signing on, he is my therapist for my rotator cuff surgery repair that I had in July. He is really a nice man, very gentle and good at his job. But after all these weeks of not using my arm, the therapy is painful, so I choose to make light and tease him about his torture tactics. If we can't laugh at ourselves, then we would just whine a lot and I hate to be a whiner.
So Mr. G. has brought me to the next level and is now insisting I actually use the arm doing all these things that I don't think I ever really do! I have to climb the walls (all these years i thought that was a metaphor for going stir crazy, who knew!) I have to take a dowel and force my arm up in the air being sure I use this muscle and not that muscle keeping my shoulder down and my arm up, not this way but that way. I get home and forget what he said and do it wrong all week till the next session. Another one is the stretchy rubber bands that you have to pull in and out and up and down and back and forth and over and under. I start getting hot again and remember the hot flash day. I can feel my face getting red and realize I am holding my breath. So i start to breath. I do my Yoga breathing and Mr G. runs over, "are you okay?" "Just breathing, I mumble" Next thing I know I am back on the slab and he's taking my pulse again. I explain that I was practicing breathing because sometimes when I exercise I forget to breathe. He looks at me as if I have two heads and then sends me back doing circles on the wall. I use my good arm to see if he will notice. He does. Circles really hurt, but I get through it. Whew. Now I have to do this again on Thursday, twice a week now. Hopefully my insurance will run out soon and I can stop this masochism!
Yesterday I said i was going to write down my food triggers. I did and started immediately getting defensive and thinking of all kinds of excuses for my behavior. I realized that that is one of my biggest problems. Thinking because i had a hard day, or unsettling news, that that was an excuse to start eating. I need more than willpower, I need a strategy. First, i must realize that every thought that runs through my head does not need to be acted upon. I need to mother myself like i do my kids. I wouldn't let them go through the fridge and pantry eating every junk food in sight. Or run to the store just to buy chocolate bars! I need to throw out food brought over by well meaning guests instead of feeling that I have to eat it to save it. I need to develop some strategies to get my mind off of food. I have been avoiding some household organizational chores that need to be done by munching and playing computer games. So starting today, I am starting lists of things I expect to accomplish each day. I need to clean out at least one drawer, closet, tote, whatever before I sit at the computer or pick up my book. I need to have healthy snacks cut, sliced, peeled, ready for a hunger attack. I need to drink more water.
So, lots of resolve today. My list is ready. Hope yours is!
Rock On, everyone!
Here's a poem I wrote for one of the TOPS SRD's. It feels apropos today:
TOPS Bouquet of Love
In a place of faith and peace lies a garden lush and green
Filled with the loveliest flowers the world has ever seen
Each bud was once a seed, nurtured with hope and love
Sprinkled with a gentle rain from white clouds high above.
Each one of us must plant the seeds that inspires the buds to grow
With a smile, a touch, a gentle nod we let each other know
We're not alone, we're all the same, whether daisy or coral bell
We'll weed out negativity and make our bodies well
Together as we pledge our vows to eat as we know we can
we'll start to bloom and fulfill our goals as we follow TOPS simple plan
Then we can circle the newborn buds as they rise from their repose
We'll form a TOPS Bouquet of love, as we become the yellow rose.
By Judy Patt Hall

My Plan for today:
Breakfast: muffin and tea
Snack: fruit cup and almonds
Lunch: spinach quesadilla
snack: apple
Dinner: Chicken and rice
Snack: handful of pretzels

Exercise: Gym at 4:30 a.m., been there, done that already. Yoga in the evening, and oh yes, THE list!